The Lair of the Angry Chinese Man
Why Labs Suck.

Heyo, its been a while since my last post, much sorry :(

So I went to see the allergy doctor earlier this month down on Broadway and Willow. He did the usual tests on me, scratch test, medical history, etc. I told him that I’m pretty sure I’m not allergic to peanuts themselves since I can eat them and nothing happens but its peanut butter that gets me. He was all like “oh okay” and jotted it down. Everything went by fairly well but he didn’t test me on peanuts because he thought it might cause a huge reaction (since my main concern was with peanuts and peanut butter anyway). He then wrote me up a referral to go downstairs to the lab so I could get a blood test. Now I hate blood tests. Shots I can stand because it’s just a jab in the arm but blood tests. They put a fucking needle into your fucking veinnnnnn. And they take that shit from your body that you need to LIVE. So I got my sheet with all the lab techy stuff on it, swear to god this was how it played out…

So I grudgingly haul my fat ass downstairs to the lab. Its packed. I’ve been to LifeLabs before in Richmond but this one seemed more inefficient than a Chinese road system. It was packeddddd. So I grabbed my number from the machine/dispenser and sat down. There was this small child screaming and shit in the lab. Like holy fuck everybody here is expecting some sort of medical instrument to penetrate their body, the last thing they want to hear is you having a fit child.

Needless to say it was a long wait. It took a good hour of waiting and enduring childwhosefaceIwantedtokick’s rambunctiousness. There was no reading material, it smelled funny, and the decor transported me back in time to 1975.

Finally my number was called up and I then sat in the ultra-air-conditioned closet-sized room waiting for somebody to prod me with a sharp piece of metal and take my precious life fluids. Well it took fucking forever for the lab tech to come too. Probably another 25-30 minutes later she came in and told me to roll up my sleeve. You know the elastic they tie around your arm? Well she tied it around my bunched up sleeve. Okay…I thought. Well that wasn’t the worst part.

So she takes the needle, clips the phial onto it, pretty standard stuff. She sticks it into my arm and it starts filling up. It starts filling kinda slowly then stops.

WTF.


That was my first thought. She then takes it and reinserts it in several places and starts stirring it around IN my arm to harvest as much as my life juice as possible…

So yeah…it kinda hurt. I left the lab feeling like somebody shoved a screwdriver into the inside of my elbow…

I went for a follow-up one week later when my blood test results were processed. My appointment was at 11:00…

At 11:30 I finally got let in to see the doctor. He sat me down and told me…

Holy fuck I waited half an hour for you to tell me something I told you last week in 2 weeks?! At least play it out for some dramatic effect man!

Thank god for MSP covering this.

  1. veryangrychineseman posted this